Sunday, August 22, 2010

Thoughts in the wee hours of the morn'n

Cripes it's just after 5am, I've been up most of the night. I dozed a bit but not much. I've been pumping and pumping and pumping some more... I'm a little bit sore and a little bit worried that somebody is going to think I like my breast pump more than I should. *Eyeroll* I don't, I promise. I scared the living crap-ola out of myself walking into the kitchen just before 3am to get the parts of my pump that were drying in the sink b/c it was time again to get the girls to work. My dog Howie has a big plush toy snake and I saw it laying across the kitchen floor in the dark and about had a heart attack. *giggles* I almost pee'd myself. Jebus! Anyway as I sit here in the dark the house is quiet and I am thinking....

Dear "Girls"
       Please wake up, I know it's been 6 whole months and the last couple have been kind of crummy but I really feel like you're falling asleep at the wheel. I am doing everything I can to help you out and am swallowing enough herbal supplements to make me feel like a druggie without the good drugs and the high and still you're falling flat. I really need you to get back to work. We need 24 oz a day at least and you're just not coming close to that. Now I know, I know, ladies it's close to that time of the month and we get a little hormonal distraction which decreases production but now is a really bad time take a couple days off, I just can't spare you, I'm sorry. You will just have to work through it. You know, take one for the team kind of deal, Nicholas and I need you. You're providing a great service and a fantastic product but in order to keep said product in stock we're going to seriously have to increase the output. I'm sorry that we've lost the baby suction device and now have to rely on the Medela, but really girls, it's a top of the line pump truly the next best thing to baby. You should feel blessed to have such a nice pump, I do. If we cannot get back in shape I am going to have no choice but to let you go and maybe think about those implants. If you can't be functional (brainy,productive) then you might as well be pretty.... pretty DD wouldn't hurt. I'm sure the hubs wouldn't mind when it was all said and done. I hope I've made myself understood to you. I've always been a little iffy about you guys, but I'm glad we had this little talk. Now you're going to perk up right and start working hard again? We're going to sleep on it for a couple of hours, the critter will be awake soon, and then we're going to be raring to go right. I hope so. This is your final warning... I really hope we can work this out and not have to have another conversation like this again. (((Hugs))) Ladies, just a few more months and you'll get a well deserved vacation. It'll be a nice long one too since you won't be needed again for full time work until we have our next baby. You'll just have to worry about the part time stuff for hubby, but that's easy. OK, well I'll let you both get back to work and I'm hoping to see an extra ounce or two from both of you in the next couple of days and then we can go up from there.

Well.. Now I am sleepy, wonderful :)


  1. Hopefully all they needed was a little pep talk =]

  2. OMG!!!! Funny thing is...I can picture you sitting on your couch having this conversation with your self.....LOL I really did...LMAO

  3. So does that mean you think I'm nuts Ashley? ROFL :P