Anyway now I get why. It is tempting I must say. Especially tonight :( Nicholas has decided that mommy does not need to sleep... ever. My hubby has apparently reached the same conclusion since he is snoring away in bed and I am sitting here with a noisy baby that I would like nothing better than to thump on the head or something. (I won't - I promise)
He;s been like this all day. The most he's slept at any one time has been about an hour. Usually I think I've gotten him to sleep only to hear him wake up 30 minutes or less later. I was almost able to eat dinner he was out for a few minutes. I thought "hey great, he's getting tied. We'll eat and then feed him one last time and go to bed" Uhhh no not quite. He was up 30 minutes after I layed down. I had JUST started to doze off for the first time since 2am this morning. :( Now here I sit and I can't figure out what he wants. I've fed him over and over, burped him, changed him, changed his clothes. swaddled him, unswaddled him, reswaddled him with a different blankie, picked him up, rocked him, swung him, given him a paci. I'm sitting here in the spare room with all the lights off with him on the boppy pillow beside me crying. I don't trust myself to pick him up just now so I am holding his paci and he is alternating between sucking on it and spitting it out and screaming. He is WIDE awake and I can't understand how. What happened to the concept of newborns wanting/needing to sleep a fair amount during the day? This is awful.
Of course I felt bad just now and picked him up, instant silence... I can't hold him all the time though. I can't fall asleep holding him and I can't stay awake and hold him while he sleeps. This is soooooo frustrating
Another extra annoying issues is that since we've been at this all of today and now tonight my arms are starting to hurt and so are my boobies from nursing like every hour. Im at my wits end, my sense of humor is totally gone, and im really stating to regret this whole parenthood idea and resent my little one... guess thats the baby blues and lack of sleep? Also kind of resent my hubby. This was HIS idea, I never really cared about having children. Now I seem to be the one paying the price, first with the difficult pregnancy, then with the c-section, and now with no sleep, just so he can cuddle a for an hour or so when he gets home from work. Then he's tired and wants to hand Nicholas off to mommy when mommy really really needs a break. Breastfeeding was HIS idea too come to think of it. I really want to give Nicholas a bottle of formula right now to fill him totally up and hopefully send him off to dreamland for a couple of hours. Except he won't take formula most of the time, and when he does take it he spits most of it back up. How nice...
I don't know what I did or ate that has him so wired and fussy and I don't know what to do about it except type it all out and sit here in the dark and cry with him... :( I'm starting to hate parenthood and feel terrible about those thoughts.