They rushed us off to the O.R. which was a kind of surreal experience. I kept thinking this is a dream, this is happening but not in a hysterical this can't be happening to me sort of way. The feeling was more like an out of body kind of calm thing there you are watching events unfold around you and you can't quite connect to them. Anyway, once again I had a needle to face... but the tech who was a friend held my hand for that since John couldn't be in the O.R. until everything was prepped and ready. I remember visualizing winning the group at Westminter with Wonder to help me pull completely away from reality. It would have worked really really well except the guy doing the spinal and the tech kept talking to me and cutting in on my fantasy. I was able to completely withdraw though eventually and drift in and out of awareness when the surgery started. I remember the doctor introducing me and telling everyone why I was there, I remember the weird sound in my ears when she made the cut and I remember the smell... You don't think about things like how you will be able to smell them cauterizing viens and such but you can. I also remember at some point the doctor talking to somebody about california and then about doing something differently b/c she went to some seminar and learned something new.
Nicholas is doing fine, no trouble at all except he's having a hard time getting the hang of nursing. There was no cord wrapped around his neck or prolapsed or any other obvious issue they could see for the cause of his distress, just one of those things I suppose. I got to come home this evening and I think once I get over being so overwhelmed and lost I'll settle into parenthood and be ok too. John is thrilled and taking good care of me and Ncholas. He's not left our side and has all next week off too.