Monday, June 15, 2009

Adventures in preganancy II No Denying it now

July 15, 2009
Current mood; Baby I"m Amazed By You..."   Just back from the doctor.
I can't pretend it isn't so anymore, it's inescapable. We have a two legged family member on the way.

Last week I had my first apt. and they ran about a zillion test, well at least it felt like that many, and confirmed via blood that we were expecting.

I chose to try and talk myself out of the truth of that test.. maybe it's wrong?? Maybe the 5 home pregnancy tests are also wrong... Haha. The baby gods apparently weren't gonna have any of that nonsense and morning sickness (which as it turns out was an all day and all night affair for me) hit hard. Haha I've lost three pounds since Tuesday of last week, how's that for a diet plan for ya? Nice. Then just as suddenly as it started it all but disappeared with some help from a medicine from the doctor. Today though it was completely gone *fingers crossed* that it stays gone. Sign me up for the swollen feet, heartburn, indigestion, gas, constipation, tiredness.... whatever it takes to avoid more of "the sickness" as I now call it.
I started to kind of try and convince myself that maybe this whole baby thing wasn't real and maybe I was going to be forgiven for whatever sin I committed that resulted in this grand practical joke.

Today though we had our first doctor's visit and reality set in with a whooshy,(haha how do you like my new word?) thud thud thud thud thud at 162 beats a minute. At that moment I stopped thinking about how badly I needed to pee and how uncomfortable it was to have the tech pushing so hard in the vicinity of my bladder and turned my head in wonder for my first glimpse of little Johnson Jr. (aka Cletus The Fetus), He/She is, according the the tech a bit larger than a grain of rice and is 8 weeks old. Awwwwwwww

Everything looks great thus far and the doctor is happy and says she doesn't foresee any problems with the pregnancy up until delivery. Then it will depend on how big Johnson Jr. is planning on growing before he/she joins the outside world. Apparently according to the doctor "I aint got birthing hips" ROFL but she doesn't think hubby and I will be producing any huge mutant babies either lol so in her opinion it should be fine.

The doctor also change my due date based on the ultrasound results. Johnson Jr. says he is only 8 weeks old not the 10weeks that was expected based on the date of my last period. Yay, I was right when I told them there was no way I was 10 weeks along Haha, guess I know my body pretty well :)

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Adventures in Pregnancy

 Thursday July 9, 2009
Current Mood; nauseated

OK, so yeah, if you're wondering, it's true I am knocked up.
I'll answer a few questions that you all have (and I'm sick of being asked) to start off.

-How am I feeling? - Like shit, morning sickness (all day) surely I don't need to explain that further-Am I happy/excited - No, you 'tard, you ever see a child birth? I'm terrified.
-Is my husband happy/Excited - YES!! Haha, that's the understatement of the year, he's over the moon and if I don't keep him leashed he's telling complete strangers "Hey I'm gonna be a dad!!" -Is my family excited - YES again a huge understatement.
-Am I ready to be a parent? - No, again I feel like that's a retarded question. -When is the baby due? As of right now Feb 10... 2010 - uhhh just in case you cant count
I choose a new doctor in Destin so I could give birth is the super duper brand new amazing birth center at Sacred Heart where my dearest husband works. Our insurance covers everything which is nice. How many people do you know can go in and have a baby for 100 dollars? You can't buy for one that so in this case I suppose "home made" is best.

Anyway so here I sit filling out reams of paperwork most of which asks the same question over and over again so I can be all set to begin my excellent prenatal care. The top of the paperwork reads "Destin OB/GYN" Keep that in mind. There are a slew of questions that seem relatively normal medical history, allergies, drug allergies, you know stuff they need so they don't accidentally kill you.

Then we turn the page to question about why I may be pregnant/how/and why and some other questions about my current condition. Some of these were on the paperwork and some were asked by the nurse who was filling out her own set of paperwork on me. The questions on this page are REAL I swear to God they are. Because my choices were to find humor in the situation and laugh or throw up and cry I choose to find these funny.

1) Reason for visit?  Pregnant
2)Symptoms of pregnancy? The obvious missed period, vomiting, cramping, barely being able to stay awake, and Extremely low tolerance of stupid people (and questions)... I mean lower than normal.
3) Are you sexually active?  Uhhh apparently. Wait actually NO, I pissed God off royally by not going to church and he's getting even.
4) Is intercourse satstisfactory? Uhhh... well that depends now doesn't it. It was, now not so much that I have an foreign body turning into a person inside of me.
**How FUNNY might it have been to answer that question with a big ol HELL NO since John works there and knows so much of the staff!! ROFL He advised me not to do that though since it would probably require some addition torture,, ehh I mean testing on my part to figure out what was wrong with ME... *eye roll*
5) Do you wish to discuss this(in ref. to questions 3 and 4) Well uhhh WHY did you ask me all that if I had the choice not to talk about it in the first place?
6) Do you have nipple discharge? Ummmm NO.... Wouldn't I maybe have come in sooner if that were the case?? It seems in that instance pregnancy might be the least of your problems.
7) When you became pregnant did you want to be pregnant now, pregnant later, not pregnant - Eh, now later, not at all - who cares? Why exactly does this matter?
8)Is now a good time to be pregnant? Well I guess so... seeing as how I don't have much a choice given my set of beliefs and morals.
9) Do you have a high school diploma or GED? Uhhh why? I can understand the employment questions, you wanna make sure I'm good to pay the bill, but what is this one about?? Are you pre-disposed to having a dumber than average child if you don't fit the bill here?? Weird.
10) Do you use/abuse illegal street drugs? Now who is going to admit to that?? *Hangs head in shame* Yes nurse I'm an addict and a  dealer and I smoke and drink and sell my body for money.... anything else you'd like to know before treating me  at this catholic hospital ? LoL.