Thursday, July 1, 2010

... I forgot I had a baby. For like two hours I was pre-baby me totally absorbed into a book with a glass of wine from the bottle we opened last night but didn't drink much of. I ran myself a hot bath, lit a fruity candle from bath and body works, you know the ones the AWESOME ones that smell the whole house up in whatever you happen to have picked out. This one was grapefruit something or other. Anyway not the point. I sat there reading a trashy romance novel I plucked out at random from a bag of books my mom gave me and suddenly realize I was started chapter 8. Hey whoa, how long have I been in here exactly? Wine was gone and something about the wine glass was bothering me, something I couldn't put my finger on at that moment.

Then it hit me. HOLY CRAP, I haven't felt the baby kick the whole time I have been in here and OMG what am I doing pregnant with a glass of wine???????????????

Rofl, two second later the feelings of stupidity came rushing at me. Ummm hey genius you gave birth already. You know that whole c-section operation thingy, yeah uhhhhh that was it. Sorry the fun you get to sleep in b/c you're on bed rest and take a long soak in the tub every night pregnancy part is over. We've moved onto the crying, diaper dirtying, refusing to eat infant stage now. Do try and keep up.

Suffice it to say it's been a rough-ish week though Wednesday afternoon was fun and I forgot to be mad at my husband. You might say I needed a break from what has become my reality. I am grateful for the break though I just made the mistake of telling my husband that I forgot I was a mom when he asked if I felt better after my bath. That I perhaps should have kept on the down low. He is wondering at this very moment what sort of person he is really married to that can forget about our son.

holy cow, maybe Nicholas is sucking out my brain instead of just milk?? I seem to be forgetting a lot lately. Maybe tonight, now that I can remember some distant non motherhood part of my old self I can also remember what sleep is like though I still have to get up and pump. Maybe I can remember what sleeping in is like. Maybe if I kick my hubby reeeeaaaalllll hard in the morning or maybe mutter to myself in my sleep about ripping his man parts off he'll get up and feed Nicholas the bottle waiting in the fridge and give me an extra hour before I HAVE to get up and do breast pump or baby feeding duty. One can hope.

Of course I am still a little ashamed that I managed to completely blank out on the last 20 weeks or so and forget I had a baby at all, even if it was for just a short time. I'd hate to think I'd do that more than once, though I have to admit *hangs head somewhat shamed* that it was nice to forget for a little while.

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