You know they say that if it can go wrong it will. LoL, I'd say that's a fair description of the way the last couple of weeks have been.

The "sickness" has been putting me through digestive hell to the point that I was so ill I couldn't go to work and had some mild bleeding so I was home for the rest of the week. The doctor said that I was stressing myself to the point that my body was trying to gear up for what she called a threatened miscarriage. No fun. So now I'm ok'd to to work again taking it a little easier so long as the bleeding didn't start again.

Today I had my regular monthly appointment and was looking forward to it because I was supposed to have my next ultrasound. I was warned about my blood pressure the week before last and everyone was pleased that it had come down and was pretty much back to normal. Yay, no more bleeding either so for the moment I am all clear with instructions to RELAX every now and again.
The big bummer for the day though is that thanks to a mix up I didn't get my ultrasound today. Turns out that my little record book that they give me to bring back and forth to every appointment wasn't updated correctly. The first time I went in they thought I was 10 weeks along, but when I had my first ultrasound they found that I wasn't that far. The nurse never changed that original due date and so last month when the doc glanced at that record to decide what next months appointment would include she didn't have the right time line. So the genetic screening they had me do at the end of last appointment had to be redone this appointment because it was a little early. They also decided that I was three days to early to have another ultrasound. Arrrgggg! I was soooo excited about finding out the sex but now we'll have to wait a whole month. The doctor said if I insisted they could do the ultrasound right then but if they didn't get as good a picture as they hoped they wouldn't be able to do another one b/c insurance wouldn't cover it. I hope they cover the second quadscreen test! She was trying to reassure me I think by telling me that they could still use the first screening test even though it was to early. They could combine the results and it would be more accurate. Yeah lucky me another poke with a needle lol. In came the nurse for the blood draw, the one that I wouldn't allow to draw my blood last month and insisted on being to the lab. Anyway John was glaring at me and just daring me to ask to be sent to the lab, he didn't really have time for that he needed to get back to work. She missed the vein the first two tries and by the time she did get what she needed I was to far gone to stop myself from passing out. Fun.. I just love needles

Oh well, Cletus the Fetus gets to remain a mystery for another month, we'll survive though I am dying to know.

Adventures in Pregnancy III Myths and Lies

Sunday, September 13, 2009  Adventures in Pregnancy III - Myths and Lies Current mood:Pfftttt   So as I have observed myself through my pregnancy I have begun making comparisons to what I have read and been told by veteran moms VS what is actually happening to me. Of course every "Adventure" is different, and I understand that, but I feel like there are alot of things people DON'T tell you that you might want to know the whole truth about before deciding to allow your husband's "little buddy" anywhere near you. In the woods of Jeff foxworthy telling his daughter to stay away from parts of the male body, "Hoo hoo's are extremely poisonous", and I am here to tell you that nothing could be MORE TRUE! If only I had listened. I feel that if people were more honest about what a "fun" Adventure pregnancy really is we would have less of it :P Less kids is probably a good thing unless they are coupled with really good parents. Not the sure go ahead and let your kid scream and throw things in walmart kind of parents. Being that I am only about half way through my punishment... err Adventure I am not a total expert. However below I will list the myths and lies along with the actual truths of Hoo Hoo poisoning AKA pregnancy. Morning sickness Obviously you probably don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure that this is a misnomer, probably named by a man in my opinion. Most ladies know that "The Sickness" can strike at any time of day or even better wake you up in the morning and last ALL day. Nice. I seem to get a ton of advice on what to do about it and how it will go away on it's own. Mostly I notice this advice coming from people who "never felt better than when they were pregnant" or who never really got all that sick, or from men!!. To them I say SHUT UP! Ginger tea does help as does peppermint tea in my case however you have GOT to remember that what goes in is likely going to come back out. So my advice, let the tea cool or drink it iced. It's just as scalding hot on the way back up as it was when you drank it in the first place. (Though Virginia I DO thank you for the advice on how to make it) Some people don't seem to understand the sickness all that well. Again I notice it is people who didn't get sick or men. They try and tell you it's no big deal and if it's a mild case than maybe it isn't. You know like a mild case of the martian death flu isn't any big deal either. :) That's wrong, sorry but if you throw up every day for three (going on four) months it IS a big deal. If you get sick and gag in the car or worse almost pass out resulting in a near head on crash that's a Big Deal. If you lose control of your body and watch your head on the side of the sink or toilet as your body is thrown forward to puke and you pass out naked on the bathroom floor.... that's a big deal! No matter how you slice it, the sickness is awful and can land you in the hospital for a number of reasons the least of which is dehydration. Thankgod for Zofram, which is a nifty little drug your doctor can give you to curb the sickness so you can get on with almost normal life. As normal as you can make it with a creature growing inside you. Pickle Cravings That's disturbingly true I'm afraid HOWEVER what you didn't know about craving pickles is that it likely indicates that you are deficient in certain vitamins and minerals. Nice :) Other food cravingsThey won't go away and it isn't just a simple, "Hummmm such and such sounds good for dinner" Nope it's a student OMG I just HAVE to have skittles RIGHT NOW. I'm here to tell you that if skittles don't suddenly appear with all haste your poor hubby comes face to face with the hormonal dark side and he'd better have a light saber (or even better some skittles) to defend himself with. Food cravings seems to cause trouble for husbands, they certainly are for mine and I'm only 16 weeks along lol. Aside from having to be a mind reading Jedi to know what he is and isn't allowed to say those mind tricks come in handy for guessing what the next craving emergency will be. Luckily for him John just rolls with the punches and will head out to the store for peanut M&M's and pickles or just shrugs when dinner has to be olive garden which sees is driving forty minutes only to have me change my mind and want to eat elsewhere instead. Food Aversions You may assume that you will suddenly dislike the sight, smell, or thought of foods you kind of didn't like much to begin with or foods you liked but rarely ate. NOPE. You are likely to suddenly be violently ill if you even spot the main staple in your pre You're eating for TWO so eat up! Yeah uhhh eating for two is harder than it looks without the zofram :) It's more like a lesson in how to develop an eating disorder. With the zofram however you will be HUNGRY and it is common knowledge that prego people are always hungry and inviting one into your home may result in said pregnant lady eating everything in your home. My husband often looks at me with a combination of astonishment and disbelief when two hours after getting home from crackle barrel I announce that I am starving... again. The thing is though, yes I just had lunch two hours ago but I hardly ate any of it or I ate all of it and threw it up before leaving the good ol country store. With Cletus growing every day there seems to be less and less room for food storage when it comes to having a meal. I can't even finish a whole happy meal at McD's these days and forget about the Big Mac. Today in fact I had the bright idea to get the two cheeseburger meal since the burgers are smaller, I ate one and was then so full that I thought I was going to be sick. John ate the other one. An hour later, I was rummaging around the fridge looking for last nights take out from Jin Jins and two hours after that I ate popcorn with hubby and then went to walmart and picked up hotdogs,( of all things) for dinner. Of course I wanted two hotdogs and again could only eat one lol. Here I sit just a few hours after dinner wondering if it'll wake John up if I heat up a bowl of oatmeal. You may have other digestive "issues" Issues here translates into heartburn, gas, and constipation. Heartburn isn't such a huge deal, though it seems to occur no matter what you eat. I actual like the taste of mixed berry tums and have permission to take them so I'm all set. Heartburn you may be interested to know was my very first pregnancy symptom and is what prompted me to take the second and then third, fourth, fifth, and sixth test. People who have never had heartburn before may notice it ten minutes after conception.... depends on what they swallowed that day. :P Of course, if you did that little treat you probably wouldn't be pregnant in the first place, but that's another post. Constipation - Yeah, in all the books I've read it mentions that this may happen to you. Ummm yeah, like labor and delivery may happen to you. Books and doctors are also apparently very informative on what to do when (not if but WHEN) it does. Fiber and water and prunes was the advice I got. Listen extra closely, this one is important - EATING ADDITIONAL FIBER AND DRINKING MORE WATER WILL RESULT IN YOU BEING ALLOWED TO BE PROUD THAT YOU ARE GETTING YOUR DAILY FIBER AND BEING LESS THIRSTY. Unless your shooting WD-40 up your ass you're just gonna have to grin and bear (down) it. It's also going to hurt and it'll take a long time to deliver the goods so to speak. Once you emerge victorious from your adventure in pooping you'll likely be red faced, and sweaty and feel like somebody beat the crap out of you. It's very frustrating if you notice that the poo you just work 40 minutes to rid yourself of is super tiny. Just don't look would be my advice, assume you have crapped out a small house and leave it at that. Also don't expect your hubby or anyone else for that matter to understand what you are you poor ass is going through at this time. Ask your OB what they recommend for stool softeners and it'll help a little bit. There are also nasty little punishments for these five alarm poo sessions, but I haven't experienced any of those so I'll leave it for you to imagine. One more word on poo's don't be surprised if your body which is in overdrive making a baby forgets just how small that backdoor is and sends a mac truck down the tunnel meant for a compact car. That's part of the difficulty actually :( Get hubby to unstop the toilet in an hour or so if needed, you'll be shocked at big around those things can be!! Gas; yup you're gonna have it, nothing you can do about it. It has to do with your body slowing digestive times down in order to extract everything it can from what little food you don't throw up. The result is gas. Sometimes it'll hurt and give you cramps. Presumably you can lay off the carbonated beverages and that will help but forget about skipping the gas causing veggies - you need to eat those. Best to just not worry about it and let 'er rip. If you can hold your hubby under the covers right after all the better. Think of it as getting even with him for trying to kill you by knocking you up. You're skin will glow while you are prego... It glows because it's either sweaty, you'll be hot a lot of the time, or it's oily. Either condition will lead to pimples so you can pretty much forget about the lovely glowing skin. Pregnancy causes your hair and nails to grow thicker and longerUmmm yeah I guess this one is true. I've always had pretty nails, once I out grew biting them in grade school so I don't notice them being better or worse. What nobody seems willing to tell you though about the thick and lush hair is that it becomes thick and lush in places you won't like. In fact most of those places will mortify you. I just shaved my legs tonight and by morning I'll have a five o'clock shadow on them I can promise. Gone are the days where I can get away with shaving every other or every three days. Couple this with the unwanted hair in other areas and I hate hate hate this pregnancy "perk" Ultrasounds are Fun No, they aren't, they hurt in early pregnancy and can make you sick as can that niffty fetal doppler that allows you to hear the heartbeat on your non ultrasound visits. They take that wand and push it really hard into your already upset tummy, they are trying to see something that's really tiny after all. Couple that with the fact that you are supposed to have a full bladder for your earlier ultrasounds and it can be a pretty uncomfortable experience. My OB doesn't seem to understand this and probably thinks I'm the anti-Christ or something because I don't care to lay there for 15 minutes and be poked on so she can make the heartbeat clear enough for me to hear and enjoy. It was a case of "Uhhhh ok, ummmm no I can't hear it all that well, but as long as you can hear it and it's fine we can stop". I go in a week for another ultrasound and I am praying that it isn't as uncomfortable as the first because I know it will be longer. I haven't decided to be super excited about bringing a creature into the world however, it isn't ALL bad. I suppose the excuse to go shopping and look at really cute teeny tiny shoes is fun. Planning how to decorate the nursery is fun too. It's just that being preggers kind of sucks at certain times. The extra closeness it may provide with your significant other is nice and we never run out of things to talk about when it comes to planning our fast approaching future. I may not wish pregnancy on the unsuspecting enemy but at the same time even I'll admit it isn't a death sentence or anything.... as long as you control the sickness!! Powered by English Albanian Arabic Bulgarian Catalan Chinese Croatian Czech Danish Dutch Estonian Filipino Finnish French Galician German Greek Hebrew Hindi Hungarian Indonesian Italian Japanese Korean Latvian Lithuanian Maltese Norwegian Polish Portuguese Romanian Russian Serbian Slovak Slovenian Spanish Swedish Thai Turkish Ukrainian Vietnamese

Still alive and well... Kinda

Hahaha either my magic pill is proving less effective OR "the sickness" has worsened. Who knows which. Either way my jeans fit better than ever... well they are falling off my @$$ to be honest. Meanwhile there is a tiny little pooch that nobody else notices but me.  I am now 13 weeks along.

I had a doctor's visit on Monday and they poked this doppler thingy really firmly into my belly, which hurt, so we could hear the heartbeat. I couldn't really hear it but the doctor and john could. It took forever because the doc was trying to find a place where I could hear it loud and clear. Mostly I just wanted her to stop because I was fighting not to throw up...

At the moment I consider children to be EVIL! I'm told I will change my mind.

We have a nickname for said evil child and I resisted the tempation to use the one suggested by the vet (the spawn). Until such time as Johnson Jr. has a real name he is referred to as Cledus the Fetus II. I am told I will have another ultrasound next month (on the 21st I think) and at that time they can determine if Cledus is a girl or a boy. *fingers crossed* for a boy, and I promise not to name him Cledus LoL. The baby gods denied me the twins I wanted so badly, I forgot to get the all important coupon, so I am hoping they will grant me a boy and not curse me with a girl.... I don't think the world can handle another ME LoL.

All the dogs are fine, Jazz is white - can you believe it - for the first time since Nov. and Saleen is turning a lovely gun metal grey quickly. I'm sure that means she'll be a very light silver when it's all said and done but I am thinking she is going to be a really lovely color, even if I might not be able to dye her. The Wonder Puppy and Howie are adjusting to mommy's new let dogs out, throw up, let dogs in, throw up, feed dogs... you get he idea routine and Wonder is being especially cuddly. The cats hate me, but well... oh well. LoL. 

I would feel truly blessed to get this over ahead of schedule LOL!

Since I live a whole hour away from the birthing center it just makes me nervous to think about delivery. What if I get there to late for the good drugs?? Hahaha, yup that would be me show up to late for cocktails.

My mother seems to be under the impression that they might decide to induce labor so that we can avoid any mad dashes. I doubt they will personally unless the baby seems to be on the larger side. The doctor said she thinks I'm kind of narrow, guess she doesn't want it to be as surprise if I need a c-section so she wants to prepare me early? 

Adventures in preganancy II No Denying it now

July 15, 2009

Current mood; Baby I"m Amazed By You..."   Just back from the doctor.

I can't pretend it isn't so anymore, it's inescapable. We have a two legged family member on the way.

Last week I had my first apt. and they ran about a zillion test, well at least it felt like that many, and confirmed via blood that we were expecting.

I chose to try and talk myself out of the truth of that test.. maybe it's wrong?? Maybe the 5 home pregnancy tests are also wrong... Haha. The baby gods apparently weren't gonna have any of that nonsense and morning sickness (which as it turns out was an all day and all night affair for me) hit hard. Haha I've lost three pounds since Tuesday of last week, how's that for a diet plan for ya? Nice. Then just as suddenly as it started it all but disappeared with some help from a medicine from the doctor. Today though it was completely gone *fingers crossed* that it stays gone. Sign me up for the swollen feet, heartburn, indigestion, gas, constipation, tiredness.... whatever it takes to avoid more of "the sickness" as I now call it.
I started to kind of try and convince myself that maybe this whole baby thing wasn't real and maybe I was going to be forgiven for whatever sin I committed that resulted in this grand practical joke.

Today though we had our first doctor's visit and reality set in with a whooshy,(haha how do you like my new word?) thud thud thud thud thud at 162 beats a minute. At that moment I stopped thinking about how badly I needed to pee and how uncomfortable it was to have the tech pushing so hard in the vicinity of my bladder and turned my head in wonder for my first glimpse of little Johnson Jr. (aka Cletus The Fetus), He/She is, according the the tech a bit larger than a grain of rice and is 8 weeks old. Awwwwwwww

Everything looks great thus far and the doctor is happy and says she doesn't foresee any problems with the pregnancy up until delivery. Then it will depend on how big Johnson Jr. is planning on growing before he/she joins the outside world. Apparently according to the doctor "I aint got birthing hips" ROFL but she doesn't think hubby and I will be producing any huge mutant babies either lol so in her opinion it should be fine.

The doctor also change my due date based on the ultrasound results. Johnson Jr. says he is only 8 weeks old not the 10weeks that was expected based on the date of my last period. Yay, I was right when I told them there was no way I was 10 weeks along Haha, guess I know my body pretty well :)

Adventures in Pregnancy

 Thursday July 9, 2009
Current Mood; nauseated

OK, so yeah, if you're wondering, it's true I am knocked up.
I'll answer a few questions that you all have (and I'm sick of being asked) to start off.

-How am I feeling? - Like shit, morning sickness (all day) surely I don't need to explain that further-Am I happy/excited - No, you 'tard, you ever see a child birth? I'm terrified.
-Is my husband happy/Excited - YES!! Haha, that's the understatement of the year, he's over the moon and if I don't keep him leashed he's telling complete strangers "Hey I'm gonna be a dad!!" -Is my family excited - YES again a huge understatement.
-Am I ready to be a parent? - No, again I feel like that's a retarded question. -When is the baby due? As of right now Feb 10... 2010 - uhhh just in case you cant count
I choose a new doctor in Destin so I could give birth is the super duper brand new amazing birth center at Sacred Heart where my dearest husband works. Our insurance covers everything which is nice. How many people do you know can go in and have a baby for 100 dollars? You can't buy for one that so in this case I suppose "home made" is best.

Anyway so here I sit filling out reams of paperwork most of which asks the same question over and over again so I can be all set to begin my excellent prenatal care. The top of the paperwork reads "Destin OB/GYN" Keep that in mind. There are a slew of questions that seem relatively normal medical history, allergies, drug allergies, you know stuff they need so they don't accidentally kill you.

Then we turn the page to question about why I may be pregnant/how/and why and some other questions about my current condition. Some of these were on the paperwork and some were asked by the nurse who was filling out her own set of paperwork on me. The questions on this page are REAL I swear to God they are. Because my choices were to find humor in the situation and laugh or throw up and cry I choose to find these funny.

1) Reason for visit?  Pregnant
2)Symptoms of pregnancy? The obvious missed period, vomiting, cramping, barely being able to stay awake, and Extremely low tolerance of stupid people (and questions)... I mean lower than normal.
3) Are you sexually active?  Uhhh apparently. Wait actually NO, I pissed God off royally by not going to church and he's getting even.
4) Is intercourse satstisfactory? Uhhh... well that depends now doesn't it. It was, now not so much that I have an foreign body turning into a person inside of me.
**How FUNNY might it have been to answer that question with a big ol HELL NO since John works there and knows so much of the staff!! ROFL He advised me not to do that though since it would probably require some addition torture,, ehh I mean testing on my part to figure out what was wrong with ME... *eye roll*
5) Do you wish to discuss this(in ref. to questions 3 and 4) Well uhhh WHY did you ask me all that if I had the choice not to talk about it in the first place?
6) Do you have nipple discharge? Ummmm NO.... Wouldn't I maybe have come in sooner if that were the case?? It seems in that instance pregnancy might be the least of your problems.
7) When you became pregnant did you want to be pregnant now, pregnant later, not pregnant - Eh, now later, not at all - who cares? Why exactly does this matter?
8)Is now a good time to be pregnant? Well I guess so... seeing as how I don't have much a choice given my set of beliefs and morals.
9) Do you have a high school diploma or GED? Uhhh why? I can understand the employment questions, you wanna make sure I'm good to pay the bill, but what is this one about?? Are you pre-disposed to having a dumber than average child if you don't fit the bill here?? Weird.
10) Do you use/abuse illegal street drugs? Now who is going to admit to that?? *Hangs head in shame* Yes nurse I'm an addict and a  dealer and I smoke and drink and sell my body for money.... anything else you'd like to know before treating me  at this catholic hospital ? LoL.